when things feel diffucult
On life crises and self-compassion
Divorce, the loss of someone close to you or a beloved pet, illness, betrayal, burnout, or the feeling that life has reached a dead end — these are moments when the ground seems to disappear beneath your feet.
In psychology, a crisis is often understood as a normal response to abnormal circumstances. It is a turning point when our old ways of living, thinking and coping no longer work, while new ones have not yet formed. A crisis is a temporary loss of balance — and also a point of transformation.
Our first natural response to pain is often to try to escape it, suppress it, or force ourselves to “pull ourselves together”. But trying to control what cannot be controlled and fighting our own feelings can create an additional layer of exhausting suffering. The mind begins to demand the impossible: to return to the past and become who we were before.
Life really can become divided into “before” and “after”. We may not become exactly who we were before. And perhaps the important step is not to try to put back together what has been broken at any cost, but to learn how to build a life within a new reality, carrying our experience with us.
What can help during this time?
1. Make room for your feelings
Do not expect yourself to switch off the pain. Sadness, fear, anger, confusion and despair are natural responses to difficult circumstances. Stop spending your energy fighting your own experience. Allowing your feelings to be there does not mean giving up. It means giving yourself permission to experience what you are going through.
2. Step back from the harsh inner critic
Notice when your mind begins to whisper: “You still haven't coped with this” or “You should be stronger”. These are thoughts and judgements, not absolute truths. We would probably never say to someone we love, “Why are you still crying?” Try offering yourself the same warmth and compassion that you so readily offer to others.
3. Come back to the present moment
Do not impose strict deadlines on yourself for “getting better”, and notice when your mind becomes caught in stories about the past or a frightening future. Come back to the here and now. Notice your breathing, feel the ground beneath your feet, and give yourself the time you genuinely need. Everyone has their own pace.
4. Lean on what matters to you
The old structure of life may have fallen apart, but your values and what gives your life meaning have not disappeared. Caring for yourself, supporting the people you love, honesty, creativity — what matters to you right now, even in the middle of this darkness? Let it become your inner compass.
5. Take small, conscious steps
Recovery rarely comes from dramatic decisions. It is often built through small everyday actions directed towards what matters to you: eating a proper meal, taking a five-minute walk, asking for help, making one simple phone call.
In psychology, a crisis is often understood as a normal response to abnormal circumstances. It is a turning point when our old ways of living, thinking and coping no longer work, while new ones have not yet formed. A crisis is a temporary loss of balance — and also a point of transformation.
Our first natural response to pain is often to try to escape it, suppress it, or force ourselves to “pull ourselves together”. But trying to control what cannot be controlled and fighting our own feelings can create an additional layer of exhausting suffering. The mind begins to demand the impossible: to return to the past and become who we were before.
Life really can become divided into “before” and “after”. We may not become exactly who we were before. And perhaps the important step is not to try to put back together what has been broken at any cost, but to learn how to build a life within a new reality, carrying our experience with us.
What can help during this time?
1. Make room for your feelings
Do not expect yourself to switch off the pain. Sadness, fear, anger, confusion and despair are natural responses to difficult circumstances. Stop spending your energy fighting your own experience. Allowing your feelings to be there does not mean giving up. It means giving yourself permission to experience what you are going through.
2. Step back from the harsh inner critic
Notice when your mind begins to whisper: “You still haven't coped with this” or “You should be stronger”. These are thoughts and judgements, not absolute truths. We would probably never say to someone we love, “Why are you still crying?” Try offering yourself the same warmth and compassion that you so readily offer to others.
3. Come back to the present moment
Do not impose strict deadlines on yourself for “getting better”, and notice when your mind becomes caught in stories about the past or a frightening future. Come back to the here and now. Notice your breathing, feel the ground beneath your feet, and give yourself the time you genuinely need. Everyone has their own pace.
4. Lean on what matters to you
The old structure of life may have fallen apart, but your values and what gives your life meaning have not disappeared. Caring for yourself, supporting the people you love, honesty, creativity — what matters to you right now, even in the middle of this darkness? Let it become your inner compass.
5. Take small, conscious steps
Recovery rarely comes from dramatic decisions. It is often built through small everyday actions directed towards what matters to you: eating a proper meal, taking a five-minute walk, asking for help, making one simple phone call.
Psychotherapy cannot erase the past or promise a life without painful emotions. But it can help us stop fighting what cannot be changed, learn to carry our pain, and gradually find solid ground beneath our feet again.