when its hard to believe in yourself
On the inner critic and courage
Most of us have the same background “radio station” playing in our heads.
And it tends to play very specific tracks:
“You’ve messed everything up again.”
“Look at everyone else — they’re doing just fine.”
“Who do you think you are?”
Over time, this noise becomes so familiar that we stop hearing it as just words in our heads. We begin to believe that it is the truth about who we are.
But the critic in your head is not a prophet. It is more like an overprotective but thoroughly panicked security guard.
Somewhere along the way — through childhood experiences, other people’s judgments, or the pain of past mistakes — it learned: “If I scare you in advance, you won’t go anywhere, and you won’t get hurt.”
It is trying to protect us. Its methods are just terrible.
There is little point in arguing with it. The harder you try to convince the radio in your head that you are “good enough”, the louder it seems to shout.
But there is something else you can do — learn to notice it.
When you hear “You won’t manage it” again, instead of starting a fight with the thought, you might simply say to yourself:
“Oh, hello. I can see that my mind is producing the thought that I won’t be able to cope. Thanks for trying to protect me.”
That doesn’t make the thought a fact. It is simply a string of words passing through your mind.
Another trap we often fall into is waiting to feel confident. We wait until we are no longer afraid, until the doubts disappear — and then, we tell ourselves, we will act.
Spoiler: confidence doesn’t work that way.
It doesn’t come before action. Confidence is a by-product of experience.
First, you take one small step — with shaky hands, a noisy critic on your shoulder, and plenty of doubt. Then you gain experience. You realise that the world hasn’t fallen apart. And only then, somewhere inside, a quiet thought begins to appear:
“Hmm. Maybe I can do this after all.”
Just don’t make the steps too enormous, or you may end up overwhelmed — and your critic, rubbing its hands with delight, will be sure to say: “See? I told you so!”
Believing in yourself is not a sudden burst of inspiration that appears overnight. It is allowing yourself to keep moving forward, little by little, right now — with all your fears, imperfections, and critical thoughts coming along for the ride.
And it tends to play very specific tracks:
“You’ve messed everything up again.”
“Look at everyone else — they’re doing just fine.”
“Who do you think you are?”
Over time, this noise becomes so familiar that we stop hearing it as just words in our heads. We begin to believe that it is the truth about who we are.
But the critic in your head is not a prophet. It is more like an overprotective but thoroughly panicked security guard.
Somewhere along the way — through childhood experiences, other people’s judgments, or the pain of past mistakes — it learned: “If I scare you in advance, you won’t go anywhere, and you won’t get hurt.”
It is trying to protect us. Its methods are just terrible.
There is little point in arguing with it. The harder you try to convince the radio in your head that you are “good enough”, the louder it seems to shout.
But there is something else you can do — learn to notice it.
When you hear “You won’t manage it” again, instead of starting a fight with the thought, you might simply say to yourself:
“Oh, hello. I can see that my mind is producing the thought that I won’t be able to cope. Thanks for trying to protect me.”
That doesn’t make the thought a fact. It is simply a string of words passing through your mind.
Another trap we often fall into is waiting to feel confident. We wait until we are no longer afraid, until the doubts disappear — and then, we tell ourselves, we will act.
Spoiler: confidence doesn’t work that way.
It doesn’t come before action. Confidence is a by-product of experience.
First, you take one small step — with shaky hands, a noisy critic on your shoulder, and plenty of doubt. Then you gain experience. You realise that the world hasn’t fallen apart. And only then, somewhere inside, a quiet thought begins to appear:
“Hmm. Maybe I can do this after all.”
Just don’t make the steps too enormous, or you may end up overwhelmed — and your critic, rubbing its hands with delight, will be sure to say: “See? I told you so!”
Believing in yourself is not a sudden burst of inspiration that appears overnight. It is allowing yourself to keep moving forward, little by little, right now — with all your fears, imperfections, and critical thoughts coming along for the ride.